I rarely wrote in my diary growing up. Oh sure. I had plenty of pretty ones with locks and such, but I wasn’t one to pour my feelings and day-to-day activities into words on a page. As I got older, I knew that journaling was good for the soul, but it just wasn’t my thing, either. I have so many journals with one or two or seven pages filled, probably while on retreat, but now they sit nearly empty on a shelf.
Cleaning out my grandparents’ house, in which they lived nearly 60 years, we found my grandmother’s journals. I haven’t read them yet, but as she nears death, I will covet getting to know her again through her own words. Perhaps, it is a generational thing, as my other grandmother wrote a lot, too. And what treasures!
And so, nowadays, I write weekly and sometimes daily. It is not in cursive or even with a pen, but with my fingers on my Mac. I feel more comfortable keeping a blog than jotting down notes in a book by my bed. I am not sure why.
Diaries and journals are meant to be private, read by family members after death, perhaps. And blogs are public, which we, the authors, share freely and check the stats to see how many friends and strangers read our personal musings. Weird, isn’t? Because some days, I really put myself out there, sharing vulnerable parts of my being. Not always, but sometimes.
And yet, there are some things I can’t even allow my fingers to type. I only share what I feel comfortable doing so, and I am pretty much an open book. But I have found that there are parts of me that I know, that I think about, but that I cannot get out. Not even to myself.
Writing has become an exercise in sharing my story, creating partnerships, learning and teaching, praying and preaching. And it is good for the soul, but . . .
Some stories are hard to tell.
William Faulkner is quoted as saying, “If a story is in you, it has got to come out.”
I know this to be true. I also trust that the most difficult parts of my tale give voice to others to have struggled with similar issues. And I will get my whole story out … one day. For real. As soon as my fingers type the words written so deep within me.
Former international fashion model Rev. Sarah Renfro seeks to boost the body image of young women by educating them on the myths of media and focusing on divine within. She also preaches and teaches about marriage and divorce, motherhood, ministry, and mental illness.